friend diaries

I love writing in my journals. What I love more is going back and rereading what I’ve written.

I love seeing the growth. 

I love laughing at my younger self when she’s dramatic.

I just love rereading and reliving little moments from my life.

It’s sweet.

Today instead of reading just one of my old journal entries, we’re going to be reading two. BUT one is from the pages of a good friend.

Meet Marcus

I met Marcus in Texas this past December.

The first time I met him he made fun of my film pictures then tried to get me to change my flight to stay longer. Turns out he’s pretty convincing because I changed my flight the next day.

Marcus is one of a kind. He is extremely intentional. He helped me see a light in myself I never knew existed and is constantly bringing out the best in people.

Marcus is straight up way cooler than I’ll ever be.

I’ve been wanting to include other people and their journal entries on here. SO! This is the beginning of a cool little series!

Two different people, two completely different perspectives, two different journal entries, - one day.

January 4th 2021.

January 4th 2021 12:19 am MEREDITHS JOURNAL

Well it’s already the 4th day of the new year and I’m crying so there's that. It looks like we’re off to a great start. I really don't know where I went wrong. I woke up early, went to church, worked out, made a healthy lunch, and spent some time with my family. Oh and took a nap. Then all of a sudden I decide to have a breakdown at 11:00 pm.

The moral of the story is nobody gets me. I know, I sound like a teenager going through a rebellious mid-life crisis. But no. I’m a 20-year-old who’s trying to figure her life out while also trying to be my #bestself.

The enemy has really been trying to get in my head lately. He’s feeding me lies and doubts in an attempt to take me down and I don’t want to admit that he’s getting to me. I’ve been feeling so stressed about this trip (Hawaii) I’m taking soon because it’s a BIG step for me. It’s something completely new and out of my comfort zone. I’ve been stressed about being single and I’ve felt so lonely. I feel like everyone's in a relationship except me. Little thoughts and worries like these will start to creep into my brain every day during the worst moments. During moments when I thought I was doing really great. During moments when the distractions were winning. This is the enemy trying to get in my head and mess me up because he knows that God is winning. I fight the thoughts off and remind myself who I am and who my God is. But on nights like tonight, it’s a little harder to fight off those lies and to look in the mirror and remember that it’s just the enemy talking. It can get really hard and really lonely trying to fight these battles by yourself, but you don’t have to. You have God standing by your side looking in the mirror next to you. He created you and He’s not going to let the enemy bring you down. 

I’m still working on reminding myself of these truths, that God is fighting my battles with me and FOR me. Following God isn’t always going to be easy either. There are going to be hard nights and moments where you feel like everything is falling apart. God never promised us an easy journey, but He did promise that He would never leave our sides or stop fighting for us along the way.

P.S. Why am I acting like this is some motivational book when I'm literally crying on my bed right now listening to sad music?  YEAH DON'T TAKE ADVICE FROM ME. I say “don’t take advice from me” as if someone other than MY. SELF. is reading this. 

CURRENT MERE: Funny how God works. His timing is so insane. Because now - YES - someone else other than myself is reading this… Kinda wild how God uses our struggles to relate to and impact others. He’s so cool.

Now over to MARCUS’S JOURNAL

January 4th 2021 Morning thoughts.

It’s weird isn’t it? 

Days go by and somehow I’m still here, still breathing, and still living. Just by the grace of God who continues to cover and protect me. I wouldn’t have pictured my life to be like this a couple years ago. But don’t we all? We have plans, dreams, and goals that we all strive for in some form or fashion but God manages to always change our plans, switch our dreams and extend our goals. I’m glad we serve a God who does that, because if I had it my way, I’d probably be a train wreck - Understatement.

You on the other hand ruined everything good. And still God has given you the same grace and protection. I always wondered how God could be so merciful even to those who don’t deserve it. But that’s exactly who He is. A God who loves all and gives to all. Even to the least of these. A part of me really wishes you the best, but the other part of me really wants you to suffer. I’m undone by the way you can just play with someone's emotions and act like everything is okay. I wonder if it gets exhausting living two lives.

There’s a different type of hurt when experiencing betrayal at its max. But yet every time I mentioned my feelings it was like a door being slammed right in my face because that’s all you did, you shared your feelings and then left mine at the front door step without even giving me a chance to express anything. And then I would be labeled the non understanding one.

People will have their views and opinions and thoughts on things, but being in this state of mind really made me appreciate those who go through difficult situations and struggle mentally as well. 

I say thank you to a God who redeems, restores, and renews the mind and heart of His children. And no, I’m not ashamed at all for ending up in a place like that. Because I got to understand that true help comes from a place of allowing yourself to get low enough to let Jesus build you back up. 

A firm foundation is where it begins. The mind is a powerful thing. Flood it with good and pure things such as His word. Because left unchecked you’ll find yourself doing, saying, and becoming things you never thought you would. I hope you did the same.

CURRENT MERE: I love those last couple of sentences Marcus wrote. They hold so much truth. We all need a firm foundation. The enemy is going to attack and the only person we can truly lean on is God. Both our journal entires are from a difficult time in our lives. A time where our foundation and relationship with Jesus wasn’t too great. BUT! The fact that we can go back and reread and see how God has transformed us is so sweet.

This is something I want to try and do more on here. Sharing wise words from my wonderful friends. Seeing our growth. Comparing our days. Getting into the minds of people who are influential to me.

I think this is a super cool concept.

Reading vulnerable pages, getting a look into someone elses life and realizing we’re not that different.