same sky

Two blog posts in the same month??? I must be back on my writing grind! (sorta)

As I’m rereading this entry, I find myself not wanting to post it. I’ve become extra critical of all my work lately. Nothing feels good enough and everything simply feels subpar. It’s been getting easier and easier to fall into a comparison trap that slowly kills my creativity, which is why I think I took so much time off writing and posting on the blog in the first place. So we’re getting past that! We’re posting this! I need to break this silly little cycle of thinking I have to be perfect at something in order to do it.

I’ve picked up drawing lately. I’m not good at it by any means, but that’s the art of it, right? I’ve been trying to get my creativity back and I figured - what better way than painting? I don’t have to be good at it and it can live in the depths of my journal without ever being shown to people. No pressure, no fear of judgment, and lots of fun colors - can’t get better than that.

I’ve also been writing in my notes app more often. This also feels low pressure because no one will ever see it but me (and you guys when I decide to post my entries on the internet).

Since being home I’ve been staring at the sky a lot. Not in a bored - I have nothing better to do way, but in a - wow isn’t our God amazing kind of way.

I wrote this in my notes app a couple months ago:

I was riding a bike tonight and looked up at the sky.

I realized I was looking at the same night sky that never changes no matter how far I get from home.

The stars remain the same.

Its beauty never changing.

I look at the sky from an airplane window, the ground gets further and further away. 

Yet again I’m leaving another city with memories only to take.

I’m doing what I dreamed of, seeing places I’ve saved on my Pinterest boards.

I look up at the sky from the deck of my parent’s house.

I try and count the stars.

Michigan skies have always been brighter to me.

I sit and I think of the Lord and how He numbers the stars and calls them all by name. PSALM 147:4

I think it’s unfortunately easy to convince yourself you’re behind. It’s easy to look around and compare your life to others. It’s right in front of our faces daily. Scrolling, comparing, going down an endless spiral you were never meant to start on in the first place.

I would be lying if I said I never fall into the comparison trap.

Since being back home, I’ve found that I have a lot more time to dwell and go down this spiral. If I’m being transparent this has been an isolating and lonely little season for me. It’s hard to go from living in community for 6 months to going back home where you have a couple of close friends and that’s it. It’s a big switch up and it’s not necessarily easy to navigate by yourself.

I’ve been learning a lot about myself and the Lord in this fun little season of confusing loneliness.

I guess that’s the Lord’s intent for me right now, to abide, to rest, and to trust Him fully.

Despite how I feel, I trust that one day I’ll have the things I’ve prayed for. The things that rest inside my journals for now.

It’s a scary thing - letting go of control and letting God take the lead.

I have to often remind myself, that the blessings currently in my life are things I once prayed for. I reread my old journal entries and see how the Lord has worked in my life. I see the answered prayers and have hope for the ones yet to be answered.

There’s so much good around us, we sometimes forget it’s there because the bad seems so much louder.

That’s my homework for you! Each morning thank the Lord for the blessings in your life and each night fall asleep knowing your days are already planned out. It can be easier said than done, but I’m with you!

This leads me back to the sky - to the stars that always shine, the stars the Lord numbers and calls by name. If He can pay that much attention to the little stars that paint the night sky, how much more will He take care of His children?

The next time I feel overwhelmed I’ll simply just look up at the sky and remember how it always remains the same, just like our God.